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Battle of the Jessica’s
A Booty Exclusive
Dear Readers,
I put forth to you the question of our time: Between Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel — who’s got the hotter bod?
Since I am a booty woman, I will concentrate my analysis on their posterior assets. Being that this is my area of expertise, I feel qualified to (objectively) explore the issue and rank the women accordingly. Both Jessica’s are well known for their behinds, so this should be a fair area to judge. However, I will take overall body shape/appeal into consideration for this competition. Let the games begin!
ROUND 1: Alba vs. Biel, in their Bikinis

ANALYSIS: Both women are shapely, and look pretty nice in swimwear. Alba’s butt is a littler more round and tight with a narrow waist, while Biel seems to have a wider backside and curvier thighs. Maybe it’s the cute red & polka-dot bikini that is clinging to her dripping wet behind, but Alba’s bikini bod looks decidedly more hot.
EDGE: Alba
ROUND 2: Alba vs. Biel, booty from behind

ANALYSIS: Hmm, from this angle its hard to find anything wrong with either woman. If I look purely at pose mechanics, Alba is the winner. While researching for this feature, I found a suprising number of photos with Jess A. in her bikini doing exactly this pose. The “Alba Arch” consist of laying with your chest lower to the ground, cocking your head to one side, while arching your butt up to the sky. This has the nice effect of making your butt and thigh muscles taut, while showing off the ass at a sexy angle. The nice tan color also helps to accent her posterior. In contrast, Jess B. seems more natural and less porn-starish. Also, she doesn’t have to push her booty up — it just is up.
EDGE: Draw
ROUND 3: Alba vs. Biel, tight jeans

ANALYSIS: This one is a no brainer… Biel clearly looks more voluptous/enticing in clothing. Jess A., while having a perky little ass — simply does not have the same kind of sex appeal.
EDGE: Biel
CONCLUSION: My initial vote goes for Jessica Biel, mostly because she seems more versatile. Alba can look a little on the skinny “boyish” side when she is not posing. Jess B., while somewhat musclular, looks more womanly. However, I think further analysis is warranted. Stay tuned for further pics.
UPDATE: Both Jessica B. and Jessica A. will be featured in my newest battle of the booty competition. This one is called the Booty Championship and features 14 other players. Check out the Booty Playoffs feature page for updates.
about 3 years ago
OMG, I love my wife for being willing to tackle such a difficult and important question. I will do my part to assist her in her research.
about 3 years ago
JB wins in my book for sure…yah yah, I know there are some guys that think that girls with bodies like 12 year old boys (well, 12 year old boys with a rack) are hot, but I will take women like JB.
After JB wins (and she should) then I think her next challenger should be Kate Beckinsale…Jessica vs. Kate? OMG! Even my wife would be interested in that one.
about 3 years ago
OK…everybody loves Underworld (well, maybe not the second one) but lets not get crazy here, I don’t think Kate can hang with either Jessica. She looked great in those pants but I am willing to bet that is an illusion and her ass is flatter than West Texas.
I would like to refer everybody reading this to the movie, “Into the Blue” which was clearly snubbed at the Oscar’s. This is not only a top 10 movie of all time but also gives Alba a slight edge in this competition IMO.
about 3 years ago
after some quick research I am going to concede that EP is correct. The interweb is nearly devoid of Kate butt pics.
about 3 years ago
I feel I must add one point of clarification to my Alba leanings…if it were a choice of who is better in bed, Biel all the way.
Reasoning:
– She looks more durable than Alba. There is a chance that after a good hour you might dislocate Alba’s hip, Biel is good for the marathon.
– Speaking of marathons, Biel also looks considerably more likly to plow though an eight ball and have 7 hours of marathon sex
– Alba is so skinny/ fit she less likely to swallow b/c of the callories (this post just went from an R rating to NC-17)
– Biel is more muscular and looks like she can give it right back
However, for some reason I think Alba is the one most likely to have sex in public for some reason (http://thesuperficial.com/2006/10/jessica_alba_has_sex_in_the_oc.php) as well as being more likely to sleep with me in general (she is on my list so it is OK). http://www.azcentral.com/ent/celeb/articles/0615jessicaalba-CR.html
about 3 years ago
hm, very interesting, i agree with JB being the winner hands down… for body and for ep’s more in depth research of who’d be better in bed. good job.
although i’d have to say i’m more interested in the battle of tyra and beyonce, now thats a tough one….
about 3 years ago
Tika..I am not sure if there is enough room on this blog for all THAT butt. And is that Beyonce vs. Tyra in her prime or Tyra today? Cause I don’t know if you can beat Tyra in her day. Don’t get me wrong, Beyonce has a great overall balance, but she’s got an aweful lotta junk in her trunk, and although I consider myself a “butt man”, there has to be a certain level of surface tension if you get my drift :p
about 3 years ago
lol i think there is always room for more booty on this blog =)
but, i dont know…that’s still a toughy for me, even in her day Tyra could never ‘drop it like it’s hot’ like B can. that does (to me) make all the differance
about 3 years ago
Interesting debate. I would like to second J’s suggestion to compare the “Prime Time” Tyra vs. Beyonce. Beyonce is still very young, and you never know how much she may ’slide’ in her later years…
On another note, I don’t think it is fair to factor B’s performance skills in this competition. While it is true that Ms. Beyonce can ‘drop it like it’s hot’ — she is in the music/entertainment industry and has had more opportunity to show off those skills. Many of Tyra’s early years were spent posing in front of a camera, and modeling for stuffy designers. The only time she could display a little sass was on the runway — and she did what she could, given the circumstance.
Another thing — I’ve met Beyonce in real life. And she is much more thigh&hip than ass. A technicality to be sure, but warrants mention.
about 3 years ago
I think you have all been taken in by one the greatest media hoaxes of all time, the truth is….Beyonce’ doesn’t have a great ass. There I said it.
I realize it is kind of like hearing Santa Clause isn’t real or thinking you might be hearing sex sounds coming from your parent’s room…. Your first reaction is abject denial, then the evidence becomes overwhelming. This is followed by depression and going to brush your teeth to get the taste of the vomit out of your mouth.
The Evidence:
http://www.bastardly.com/archives/2007/06/18/beyonce-bikini-pictures-from-south-france/
Please look at the second picture down.
http://www.ultra-celebs.com/pictures2/beyonce-knowles/beyonce-knowles-013.jpg
So, I think YOUNG Tyra clearly wins almost by default. Current Trya is taking the “I’m going to be the next Oprah” thing to far….fat, thin, fat, thin, fat, thin.
The big picture
I think we are living in a great time for fabulous young asses. I would contend that you could put either of the Jessica’s against the Ass Queen (Sounds like a Tranny Screen name doesn’t it?) J.Lo and they can hold up. Seriously, the first JA picture is like looking into the face of God. To review further: http://www.hotcelebshome.com/jennifer-lopez-ass-collection/
Other Great Media Hoaxes:
- Jaime Kennedy convincing people he should have a television show
- Everybody agreeing to ignore Ashton Kutcher has no talent and letting him have a successful career (Was there a vote taken on this? Can we get a recount?)
- Trucker hats are cool? Really? This is what happens when you let people like Ashton have a career, let this be a word of warning for everybody.
- That chicken fried bacon is bad for your heart (http://jdogdesigns.com/?p=4)
- That Jennifer Lopez can sing…although her ass does make music
- That I have no chance with Jessica Alba…F’you media, everybody needs a dream
about 3 years ago
You know what E… Sadly, i think you may be right. Beyonce having nice ass is a hoax. Sure, it’s large — but I think i am more influenced by how she “works it”, rather than the actual quality of her booty. Additionally, as a Black woman – I am clinging to the promise of a decent black ass candidate.
It’s a damn shame. Of all the young starlets that are most repping the booty nowadays… most are not Black. This is a travesty – cause if there is one category where we should be holding it down, it should be the ass. But oh no! We got the Shakira’s, and J-Lo’s and the Biel’s stepping on our turf. It’s enough to make me wanna cry.
about 3 years ago
oh my madame, you obviously never taken a look at video vixen buffie the body! take a gander: (please proceed to the following link w/ caution)
http://www.elitewebmodels.com/modelpics/buffiethebody_6f1efb9a.jpg
you’ve been warned…
about 3 years ago
I know who Buffy the Body is… but she is not a superstar. She is on the fringes of fame.
Besides, that is WAY too much ass for me.
about 3 years ago
Now, I’m no expert on the subject but …
Gabrielle Union
Megan Goode
Stacey Dash
Kerry Washington from I think I love My Wife
Garcelle looks like she’s packing something too…
now out of all of these, Stacey Dash is the banger and should take on all challengers… you can of course throw in Serena to end all convos…
You can also argue that not enough black women are getting the roles to be showcased as much as the other young starlets…
All in all, I’d like to personally get to know all the candidates that have been announced in this much appreciated discussion so if you know them, tell them to holla…
(plus most of them date white dudes anyways)…
about 3 years ago
You can tell them I am dumb as well since I didn’t close any of my links, hence the whole message up top is one, big, convoluted mess…
about 3 years ago
Fixed your links for you Vlad…
BTW, there wasn’t a URL for Miss Kerri Washington (and I haven’t seen evidence of her having any kind of ass).
about 3 years ago
Jeley,
Sorry I was clearing out some spam and accidentally deleted your “hiding midgets” comment :(
about 3 years ago
No URL for Kerri Washington (I searched) but I saw that movie, and it was there, I swear….
about 3 years ago
But as to the main question, I broke it down to the following:
1. Ass – Biel with a slight edge
2. Body – Biel… less tomboyish
3. Face – Alba
4. Attitude – Alba seems to be less bitchy based on nothing
5. Chances – Well, Biel is/was dating someone who closely resembles me (or so i’m told) and Alba is dating some putz… Basically, chances are equal…
Verdict: Both, in a threesome, where we move to Utah, I marry them and become god to all mankind…
about 3 years ago
Also, disregarding the face, tracy ross has a banger
And have we forgotten the queen
about 3 years ago
by the way, Kelly Rowland is vastly underrated
about 3 years ago
oh and Kim K, despite all that RJ bs, is packing heat as well
about 3 years ago
Oh no he didn’t just drop the Kardashian name!
That girl’s got an ass that makes Black women shiver.
about 3 years ago
The Italian Goddess has got it going on, me thinks. Link possibly NSFW…depending on the facists that run your place of employ.
about 3 years ago
what about my fav “Fancy” Garcelle Beauvais
-ybf.blogspot.com
about 3 years ago
opps, the pics didnt come up:
http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h164/ybfchic/July%2007/garcelle3.jpg
http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h164/ybfchic/July%2007/garcelle2.jpg
courtesy of ybf.blogspot.com
about 3 years ago
Jessica Beil is hotter
about 3 years ago
i already mentioned garcelle…. :-P
oh and here is serena’s latest effort
about 3 years ago
and here it is again
about 3 years ago
but i digress… biel and alba are hot…
about 3 years ago
omg, where in all hell did u find that horrid pic of serena…
no matter how hard she trys (god bless her heart) she is still too man-ly! if it wasnt for the flowers and the weave i would mos def have her mistaken, no lie….
about 3 years ago
VP, I have to say Kim K was a great find I had no idea she was packing like that. On a sad, sad note she doesn’t appear to be that proud of it:
http://thesuperficial.com/image.php?path=/2007/07/kim-kardashian-bikini-candids-13.jpg
She doesn’t even take off her serong when she gets in the water. You would think with all the rappers she has been sleeping with that she would understand that some ppl like a nice solid ass.
On a side note, how long till somebody creates a countdown timer till when Hayden Panettiere becomes legal: http://thesuperficial.com/image.php?path=/2007/07/Hayden-Panettiere-bikini-candids-09.jpg
about 3 years ago
wrt Kim K – that I have found out from Ms Jeley is called an “ass cape”.
wrt Hayden – she turns 18 this Sunday. August 21st. Go get her EP!
about 3 years ago
and this is not a good sign…
about 3 years ago
doh…no html allow: here is the picture to accompany my last comment.
http://www.imdb.com/gallery/granitz/5495/Events/5495/HaydenPane_Cohen_11648900_400.jpg.html?path=pgallery&path_key=Panettiere,%20Hayden
about 2 years ago
very interesting. i’m adding in RSS Reader
about 1 year ago
Hi! The babes are here! This is my best site to visit. I make sure I am alone in case I get too hot. Post your favorite link here.