Shakira vs. Vida

First!

If this competition was voting for “The Latin Beauty who you would most like to stick your finger in her bellybutton”, then Shakira would win hands down. But alas, this is a wholly other competition. There are only a handful of reasons I can think anyone would vote for Shakira over Vida when comparing butts: 1) The person voting was born blind…not just became blind through some occular degenerate disease, cause that is no fucking excuse…only being born without eyes is valid for such a grievous error. 2) You are a gay man that is only picking Shakira cause you are sooo fucking jealous of Vida that you are voting against reason. 3) You have previously pissed off Vida’s big brother bad enough to get your ass beat within an inch of your life and you are afraid that casting even a stare in her direction will surely be on the end of a thrashing the likes of this world has never seen.

Vida wins….by a landslide! In fact, I am going out on a very short limb to state that competition is over…Vida wins the whole thing.

I gotta side with Vida on this one, because after all, I’m the one who pushed for her to be added to this glorious tournament after she was initially omitted.

But I will say this, I disagree with the Jeleyman’s reasons for possibly choosing Shakira over Vida. I think it comes down to a matter of preference in a very important sexual conundrum: top or bottom?

You see, Vida’s ass is tailor-made for doggystyle humping. When you’re banging her you’re more apt to want to be behind her, thrusting away all your problems as you look down into the majestic ass that you’ve somehow managed to get into. Add to that the fact that she doesn’t have the prettiest face of our contestants and you’ve got no choice but to want to turn her around and do all the work yourself.

Shakira, on the other hand, you’d want to lay back and let her go crazy on you, using all the same moves and muscles she displays in her music videos on your entire pelvis region. Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, the sideways crab mating dance of Southern Sri Lanka… the list goes on and on, but the point is you’ll be sitting back as she does what she does best.

And despite the fact that all men are inherently lazy, I’m sure a very large percentage of them would be willing to stand up for the chance to pound on Vida’s ample cushion. But again, I could see more than a handful of really lazy men just wanting to sit back and watch/feel Shakira go Shakira on them… they don’t necessarily have to be gay, or born blind, or have a long-standing rivalry with Vida’s brother.

Anyway, the video our gracious host linked to above was nice, but here’s another one of Shakira’s booty-shakin’ videos that will further strengthen my argument.

By the way, “Vida” is literally “Life” in Spanish, which could very well mean the beauty of her ass can bring life to even the deadest, limpest things… you know, like old penises.

Hmmm… I just realized that was my first time ever spelling the plural form of penis, which made me think: shouldn’t it be peni? We don’t say cactuses – we say cacti right? I’m just sayin’…

a) Vida wins the ass contest.

b) El Gammy is still a douche.

c) The sun still rises in the East and sets in the West.

d) All of the above.

Vida wins, hands down. Shakira gets props for some mad belly dancing talent, but she really doesn’t have much of an ass.

I just want to know how Vida got such a great ass. . . and how she keeps it. Whatever her workout program is, I want it!

Is this like the $20 holyDouche! Pyramid? Where you give clues and descriptions then we have to guess what word or phrases you’re talking about? Awesome, here’s my guess:

“Things that holyDouche!, the bagiest douche west of the Mississippi, would say as a way of copping out and simultaneously bowing down to the superiority that is El Gammy’s comments.”

Snoogins

I believe my simple comments stand. For your convenience, I will re-list them here in a less confusing manner and so the El Gammy-capped won’t walk away with cranial indigestion a second time:

Vida wins the ass contest.
El Gammy is even more of a douche.
The sun rises in the East and sets in the West.

***omg ep, please dont start the “first!” tradition i don’t think i can handle it!***

LMAO at vida’s ass being able to “make baby jesus cry”; but my sentiments exactly on “can vida do what shakira do?” i think not. (and i cant agree anymore with el gammy’s “top vs. bottom” analysis, well put gammy)

but i have to admit that first pic of vida should make her win hands down, but unless she can shack her ass like shakira i just see no contest im sorry! besides vida may mean “life”, but shakira’s name says it all: shakir-ass…

i have to point out that i’m glad that you guys posted the videos of shakira in motion, because watching her just gives you the whole 3- no 4-D effect! i never actually realized how less-endowed shakira actually was until i saw these still pics of her! now that should count for something!

I’ve been meaning to throw in my 2 cents on this one for a while now. Unfortunately each attempt to comment ends with me smoking a cigarette, sans comments.

At first I thought it would be a blowout in Vida’s favor, but some of these Shakira videos have shown me the light. It’s close but Vida wins in the backside category.

ps. I just watched madame’s shakira video, and is it me or does that blond woman at the beginning look like fucking Balky in drag?

wow, looking at that last video, i guess her hips really don’t lie….
(her eyebrows look bomb tho!)

*side note*yeah blond wo/man does look kinda suspect*side note*

I’m torn on what seems like it should be an obvious choice, because:
– I almost swallow my tongue every time I watch Shakira shake it
– Vida ass is so perfect I think it might be a large CGI plot

However if it is real I don’t think I have seen a stronger argument for the existence of God. In fact religions most effective recruiting campaign since disemboweling nonbelievers might involve that last picture with the statement, “God is Good”.

Here is a video of Vida’s ass in action if you are interested: http://youtube.com/watch?v=kCfuxtuPdO4 (BTW, how the hell did that asshole get his job of rubbing oil on her ass and tits pre photo shoot? I really think that needs to be a position voted on by the general public).

I’m giving Vida the benefit of the doubt on actually being real and going with her on this.

“I really think that needs to be a position voted on by the general public”

absolutely, we need a lottery – better than powerball

Wow… that video of the oil-rubbin’ on Vida was awesome. Did you see how it jiggled when the gay dude was sorta tappin’ it with his hand?

How do I know he’s gay, you ask? Because no straight man could ever be that close to it, touch it, and then NOT do everything he possibly could to get inside of it. I would already be doing 10-12 for rape, but I’d probably be out in 6 with good behavior.

I freaking LOVE Shakira – but, in the booty category, Vida takes it … for the whole defying gravity thing if nothing else.