Monica Bellucci vs. Salma Hayek

This match-up is like watching the Suns (pre-Shaq) vs. Warriors in playoffs, it is one of the most beautiful matchups but you doubt the winner has the goods to walk away as the champion.

If this were a competition of hips-to-waste ratio, great knockers or classic beauty I think Monica is a favorite going in. I am inclined to give her extra point for her humanitarian work of frequently letting the twins loose for the camera and thereby making this a better world to live in. However when it comes down to down to pure booty, I have to go with Salma. Before debating my position please watch the following: http://youtube.com/watch?v=zvCTkBKRggc.

Sorry Jelyman, although I do think she deserves a top 5 ranking in Battle of the Boobs.

I don’t think the set of pics here gives either booty its due to be honest. I don’t know if it would be fair to use the influence of that youtube video since any other links past this one will be lost on my judging. I am gonna have to go with Monica Bellucci.

For everyone who didn’t play the Matrix video games (where this clip is from) and is a Monica fan: http://youtube.com/watch?v=iYj3cZvoakk. Again, extra pts for Monica.

I normally have a witty monologue to share when commenting in this competition, but in this matchup I cannot be anything but serious. This might be the toughest decision in the competition…and in all fairness, is a matchup of pure beauty. I think you would be hard pressed to find 2 other hollywood actresses that have it all, the way these 2 do.

Links below are possibly NSFW
Salma is amazing http://youtube.com/watch?v=ksICC85qyRc
….but Monica http://youtube.com/watch?v=wBO5DGXZ1KY …I don’t even know what to say.

Monica is it.

Jeley-
After a thorough review of the YouTube videos, followed by an awkward moment when Shon came home early for lunch, I think you are blinded by Monica lust. Although her breasts are so full and spectacular that one might momentarily confuse them for but cheeks, they are in fact breasts crafted by the hand of God himself. I don’t believe that one image in the entire Monica YouTube featured her but, if it was visible at all.

Those of you who know me should be well aware that I try very, very hard every single day of my life to be white. Over the years I’ve slowly but surely phased out many aspects of my dreaded Mexican culture, going so far as to even signing up for health insurance at work (something still considered “taboo” for most Mexicans).

However, despite my attempts, I have not been able to kick my natural inclination for hot Mexican chicks. In the Brown Bible, Salma Hayek is GOD. That’s just the way it was written, no if’s, and’s, or bu… okay… two butts, but you get the point.

While Monica Bellucci is hot, she’s simply not on the same celestial level as Salma Hayek and her divine ASSets. We’re comparing a deity to a mere mortal here people. No offense to my Italian peeps out there, but this wasn’t much of a competition to begin with.

There’s no end to the sacrifices I would make for Salma…

I would hunt down influenza infected Caribou dressed as a space monkey just for the chance to play Gershwin tunes on a kuzoo outside her grandmother’s nursing home.

I would let Salma verbally abuse me in broken English while I scrubbed her kitchen floor wearing only a potato sack and a mustache cut to look like Oates from Hall & Oates.

I’d spend the rainy season camped out under papaya leaves weaving tapestries out of straw to exhange for coin to ride a merchant ship heading for the Ivory Coast just for the chance to briefly meet the child laborers who helped sew her Victoria’s Secret bra in a sweatshop.

I would perform extreme feats of gymnastics for angry Russian judges if it meant I could sniff the velveteen backside of Salma Hayek until passing out from hyperventilation.

I would chew through a field of cacti while juggling drunken hamsters just for the chance to dry clean her grandmother’s lederhosen.

I would slap an albino chicken and name him “Derek” just for the chance to gnaw on Salma Hayek’s cotton balls during her last root canal. She is a dentist drill of sweet pleasure/pain.

Thanks DB1…

who new Gammy was the Mexican Walt Witman?

Bravo El Gammy…Bravo!

Monica still wins…all though, Salma gets a few more points for having someone so dedicated as to pen that hilarity all for her cause.

wow Gammy, that was almost poetic, freakishly romantic ode to Salma, awesom
Monica wins in my book though, sorry, i love Salma but… well, just look at Monicas ass…

There is a whole lot of blasphemy going on here…

I’m gonna have to call in some favors and reach out through the Mexican Connection to get more votes for Salma. If she doesn’t win this contest, I’ll have to sacrifice 20 virgins in her name instead of the normal 10 at the end of the year. You guys are lucky I appease her on a regular basis, or else we would all suffer the wrath of her mighty T&A.

I just wanna make sure… votes submitted in Spanish count, yes?

Oh yeah, and WTF is up with that last pic of Monica and all the honey or whatever gooey substance that is on her face? That clearly is there to help these dbags pretend that’s a facial *shot, thus influencing their vote more so than her booty. I move for that pic to be stricken from the site, especially considering Salma doesn’t have an equally sexually charged pic where she has stooped to that level of pornocity.

Some like to call it prudishness, I like to call it “class.”

Well, it’s time that I weigh in on this great debate. This has got to be the toughest match-up yet.

Salma is a beauty. Salma also has a solid fan base of Gammy. However, for purposes of this contest, I have to go with Monica Belucci. They both have the total package, however Monica’s package is put together a wee bit better. So, my vote goes to Monica.

Clearly, El Gammy, you copied that Salma prose from a real white guy. My guess is that there was some heavy “inspiration” from none other than the immortal DB1 over at HotChicksWithDoucheBags.com.

Only a true whitey could muster such lavish prose. I might buy it if you were a flaming gay Mexican with a love for salsa (dancing) and flambouyant (women’s) clothing, but given your love of steroids and Kobe Bryant, you’re clearly not gay, just a victim of public schools in southern Arizona.

But despite your lifted prose, it is clear that you are Salma-crazy. And since we are going with pre-preggers Salma ass in this round, I say go ahead and give her the win. The fact is that we are debating on her formerly perfect ass, which no longer exists in its once glorius form. Monica is probably still honey-dripping hot to this day, and therefore a loss for her here, today, is not going to end her career. She can withstand. She will survive.

Salma deserves the win based on her history and her once Hall-of-Fame quality package, including her ass. El Gammy, you have convinced me, yet I weep for you (white people cry a lot – might want to make a note of that).

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/